The White Snow - Pt - 2


When I got here, my heart felt easier, the burden lessened, and my mind cleared. The fog and dense smoke of gloom cleared, though it has not cleared completely. But it has cleared to a certain extent, and this has given me time to think, think about what had I been doing in the last two month? I have tried myself, strained my nervous system and all this in return converted into a disease, of which I am suffering now. World might think that I am fellow to enjoy life, but, it is not the case. My imagination and dreams have always betrayed, though, to some extent they have stood by me and have come true, but, in a totally disgusted or different manner than expected. In this hospital I thought about life, and only found one reason to be here, that is that the Superior force had to get me some rest, else I would have broken and disappeared in the fog that surrounds the city this winter. There had to be a reason that I had to come here, in the four cornered room, to achieve some mental peace and solitude, and recover from the wounds that my soul had taken in the last two months. I am not sure if this peace and solitude has been bestowed to me by the Superior for recovery and I should expect a change after I leave this place, or, difficult times are to come. I don’t mind any of the two, but, the necessary thought to be kept in mind is that source of income may solve all problems, and more than that a good source of income, which may bring mental peace and no pressure upon me may solve my problems to a great extent. Though I lay here, I feel peace and still I think, think that there are many great and bigger things to do rather than lying here thinking about life and meaning of enjoyment, or meaning of peace. But, at the same time I think that this peace is something that I had been snatched off in the last two months, and the consequences, were a disease, though curable the disease is, but it has leapt my family thousands of mile away in to a frenzy and tension. And since there is nothing to do in these four corners, I think and think. Sometimes I read a book, but how much can a man read, especially if the author of the book is J. R. R. Tolkien. But no doubt the book has supported me, pulled me from the depression that I was plunging during my stay here. Days are coming to an end when shall be released from this place where I have gained mental peace and have healed my soul, but what my mind muses is what steps shall be necessary when I go home?